Mapled thoughts

We were at Mou's last Saturday.Amidst all the nonsense that usually is the highlight of such evenings..Mou decided on a game,that apparently had caught her attention the one time she had played it earlier.Raju aptly names it 'I praise you,and you praise me'! You think of any object,book,movie,food,beverage(O.B.M.F.B)..etc and then associate each person in the room with one such O.B.M.F.B! So,Utkal da can be a 'Shukto', while Gargi can be 'Jaipur',Jayasreedi can be 'Rajanigandha' and I can be 'tutti-frutti'!No, its not that simple..! You have to justify why he or she is so!Yess..and then, the protagonist(so,to say!) marks you,based on what he/she thinks is the best description and justification.
So, when I heard Raju saying I was a 'tutti-frutti', and justifying it with 'she has many layers(I sincerely HOPED he hadn't meant adipose!!!) to her'..I got thinking..
Am I really made of layers?
Have I never allowed anyone to penetrate beneath these layers of my discretion?
Do I taste different to different people?
Do I leave different after-tastes?
Have I been different with all my lovers?
Am I someone else when I am with Ma?
Do I put on a visage whenever I am with X?
Do I have an armour around me when I am with Y?
Do I become vulnerable when I am with Z?

More importantly, are all people like this?
Do they allow everyone to penetrate between these layers?

I flipped through the pages of an old journal of sorts I used to maintain..not expecting any solution, but using that as a catalyst to think even further..
Midway between the pages,I found one dried scarlet maple leaf,and on it was scribbled..

"Often I wonder,
who is this stranger
come into the season of my unfolding
gently reaching toward me
With a silently mouthed whisper?

I have traced the contours of your body with my fingers
I know your taste
and the smell of you.
And when we make love
I feel your language and watch the layers of your defenses become thinner.
Sometimes so fragile that
I could break through them completely
With a word,or
just the slight pressure of my kiss.

I choose not to.

My wish is not to conquer
but to share
The key to you always remains with you.
Any door you open
I shall gladly walk through.

As for myself...
My locks grow weaker!"

This piece of writing didn't have a date, nor a context.It's not mine. It seemed to be scribbled from somewhere, but definitely had a scarlet maple as an evidence.. :)
I did smile.
I guess, I did understand.
Over the years, I have discovered various layers in myself and the people I have been with.
It best to be honest with one's feelings.But, its these small mysteries about individuals that make you go back to them,isn't it?If you knew your opponent like a glass-bowl containing coconut water, familiar with even the refractive index, why would you go back to it,to quench your thirst,the next time? Wouldn't you rather have a Red Bull, instead? A composition you are not so familiar with?A taste you will discover and try rediscovering over and over again?
I hide. I love hiding my feelings.I love hiding my intentions and my pleasures. I take pride in the fact that no one can ever read me like an open book,unless I want him/her to.
No..I have been thinking a lot.
I dont want it otherwise. I want myself to be behind this mask of maple..forever.